on the way im dying,  i have found a bit appreciation of that  madness. A goal, some ignorance that im wondering, yet wanna live a bit longer, coz dont wanna regret much when it past. Then what shall that be? somehow im not too nervous about it, not such confuse. one sense talk me slow down myself, that’s mellow; or just my shitee illusion again? i had puzzled much; tying hard to lease that. However; i got the rule, still; got lots of ignorance about it, regulation of the game, my life. although so much i dont wanna have this part, it had started; and i have the beginning of the game, it came unescapable; till i collapse. that then i will face to the investigation, try dig it out.