these days; drived me out. coz bad habit, how come this long, how can these still keep me awake from my dream, make me eyes wide open but not allow me willing to see. i was so scared, and so on; the coming days are shocking me, how long would it last. i think i didn’t pray, for these so called painful sin stay apart from me, i don’t have plan for it. though it keeps on, i believe i was hoping and praying for reason; that reason is likely unspeakable, seeking for that to inspire me on my skin, into my bone. somehow i know i shouldn’t hope for this; i know i will fail. it’s unpredictable; and only on the other side. a baby sitter will suit for me.