the way I cope

Once talking with friends about the best person that represents me in the old story, I was directly linking to the ones with good names, until now, however; names seem to be just interpretation to me.

I think I knew it along time always, just not to be bold to recognize it. How our personality match amusingly as there were events kept telling me how alike we have situated.

Am I hard to approach? That’s the question around their heads I suppose. Since I don’t proactively believe that I am isolated or being isolated direct or indirectly, people would just happen to have their distance away and I too tend to do the same.

Either friend or foe, the calling that haunting me. How did I come up with this? That I thought I’ve been neutral always. Emplaced my standard to the approved common ground and accommodate the dissimilitudes, but do I even need authority to embrace or cold-shoulder somebody? Should the words “a mountain couldn’t contain two tigers” make sense, or just the sense of cosmopolitism making in progress?

I didn’t actually have much concern to others’ estimate about my way of conduct. Always I’m just bold to excel myself for what I mean to do. However cautious, I have neglected which the most vicious nature of man. Reading the history of how many decent folks fallen to the intrigue of those spiteful schemers. I am not claiming to be any legit compared to them, but neither did I fail to maintain the integrity in our admonition at lease so far.

“Big tree attracts wind”, never really apprehend that until what happens onto myself, but should I really chop down my own limbs to concede those vile means? Bow to no one but myself in order to ride on the crest of my success?

As for him, people used to describe him as arrogant, aggressive and ambitious much, which is not a good model as a servant and a military man in our society in the past or even today. As for us, our boss must love the loyal more than the capable, is it because when men once “can” would just equal “will”? Does live up the nature of treachery due to the power they have in possession must contradict the allegiance to one? Trying in self distinction that leads to be distrusted by peers and superior, whenever seeing them being commended while being disregarded would just find the irrepressible height of jealousy rushing out of the chest. This is to be among the saddest thing that dismays a capable man. Haughty and agonistic, frivolous and indifferent toward others, the personality and attitude concealed similar within the both of us. Should the sense of complacence be the source of delirium in our mind?

But what should be named vice when the one with ambition attains frankly while those with justified names conduct the way sinister?

This is unverified if he’s truly involved in any selfish motives, but what he did for his lord was not arguably endeavored. He continued his duty to battle on the enemy as told when the one that told him died, but just suffered in the worst political struggle in the wrong time. Those who opposed him would just seem not to concern what the state needed in such critical time but focusing on how to seize the only person that’s supporting it. Although that’s the last word of the same one who passed to them, it just appeared to be personal much.

Despite he did try to seize military power, that’s only the righteous to do at the time which I may describe an insight that our values didn’t recognize. Nonetheless the irony, someone that alleged him to be a traitor and eager to take him out later actually proclaimed regretting didn’t defect in time.

So what are loyalty and integrity to be interpreted?



I was expected to say : TOO MUCH, as it is indeed.
but my scheiße old man just talks shit all aloud like the fucking 8:30 comedy (that was around the time though..)
what a fucking boner killer

been a long time a film that makes my head tangle, not only by the plot but the sick acting, how he runs really like a girl…..

I think I need the blue-ray, but I don’t have player 😦
oh… btw, buy me a pack of cig and a pair of false tits? (yeah, I don’t smoke)


Random Series 1

Things that….


They like


I hate


I lost…..;


I definitely don’t do


I don’t need


Fooled my dick once(!)

I admire but not approve…

I approve :O

He had learned from me

I am not good at

Vexes me(?)


I want for birthday


Describes me